I bet people remember this song from the 90’s. It referenced “moving too fast in life” and making sure you “take your time with your decisions”. The fast life is just that: fast. Once it is over, then it is over. After the ending, there is nothing you can really do about it.

Yet, the “fast life” I want to talk about is the one that refers to relationships. I want to talk about “waterfall love”.

Question:

My ex-girlfriend dumped me about 3 weeks ago over a fight but we got on good terms.  We didn’t talk for several weeks. We are now talking again but she does not initiate contact. Whenever I call/text, she is very open and actually goes out of her way to respond and does not seem bitter. We don’t talk about relationship or our feelings. We just talk about superficial stuff.

She broke up with me because I felt she was holding back information from me that was vital to us spending time together. Then, I overreacted in a way but never threatened or cursed. The next day, she was through with me: she didn’t love me anymore.

Our relationship happened very fast. She was in love in as little as 2 weeks. We slept together within the first month. I must say it all happened fast.

Her last relationship was terrible due to drug and physical abuse.

What does this mean? Does she open to getting back together or is she just being friendly/ nice? Is she just letting me lead the way or is she still afraid to see if it is safe to initiate?

Answer:

Man, she has a lot of issues. Are you sure you want to continue on with this “waterfall love” that you have?

Think about it like this: everything happened swiftly. You all probably met. Next thing you know, it got hot and heavy fast. Before you know it, the passion is out of control! The sex is immediate and great! You are in total bliss! Nothing could be more illuminating than the love you both share!

Take it like it is yours, sir.

Take it like it is yours, sir.

And then one thing goes wrong and you both break up like y’all have hated each other for years. Sounds slightly insane, right?

The problem is that your “waterfall love” never really develops. Let me break this down for you scientifically and in laymen’s terms.

What many of us don’t understand is love goes through stages. In the beginning, it is seen as passionate love due to the longing desire that you and your partner may share [1]. Usually, it “slows down” to a steadier pace. That steady pace of predictability, with a deeper connection, is better labeled as “companionate love” [2]. Unknowingly, this is how relationships evolve.

Now THIS is a love triangle.

Now THIS is a love triangle.

But your situation never evolved. It was hot, heavy, fast, and pouring down like a waterfall. Waterfalls don’t mellow out. They go hard. So, when things went wrong, she went just as hard so she could break up with you.

The issue with her is that she lacks balance, my good man. Her mind works within extremities. If you have noticed, everything that is going on is either at the highest of the high or the lowest of the low. She either was madly in love with you or she couldn’t be around you anymore. In the end, there was really no in between with her.

She needs to get it together.

She needs to get it together.

Personally, I think you need to help her get some type of counseling before you even begin thinking about another shot at a relationship. If she doesn’t change, this madness will continue. Things will get back to being hot and heavy just so they can sputter off when things get tough. Plus, this type of relationship tends to make the partner either erratic or eventually tired. Thus, I feel you need to lead her away from the waterfall towards the calmness of the river.

‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!

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