It’s a celebration! I made it to my 40th blog entry!
Okay, now that the celebration is over, I have to make reference to something I find highly bothersome. This is something that should not happen but it does. This situation will always occur because of different cultural teachings, values, and informed beliefs. The situation I speak of is the inevitable lore of unrealistic expectations.
Yes, I said it: UNREALISTIC expectations.
There is a situation that sparked this entire blog. The other day on Facebook, a valued acquaintance of mine make a wall post about a male friend’s expectations in the opposite. These expectations (aligned as deal breakers) included: talk too much, likes to shop too much, talks about yourself too much, neediness, always wanting to talk about the relationship, small breasts (sorry, there is nothing sexier than grabbing onto a nice pair), doesn’t like to cook for her man, bossiness, talk too much, nagging, intolerance of me and my habits, and giving pressure to have kids. This is an interesting list. Even more so is the fact that, at the end of the day, this man has to be partially brain dead or looking for a blow up doll.
Or at least a Stepford Wife.
Chocolate Covered Lie: one should hold onto their expectations no matter how foolhardy they are.
The biggest issue is the culture of relationships that each person has dealt with. Each person enters into romantic affairs with philosophies about what we want based on family relationships, media manipulation, and our own past relationship experiences . With all of those factors, it is easy to develop expectations that do not match one’s mate. However, it is having unrealistic expectations that end up making relationships unsatisfying and causing the early exit . In turn, foolish expectations can mean the difference between making it to the Superbowl and being the next Tony Romo: washed up by playoff time.
The main reason why there is such a cultural conflict is that many people believe in relationship myths. Ideas such as “relationships shall remain romantic”, “marriage is the ultimate goal”, and “having a baby will solve our problems” are reckless at best, detrimental at worst . Yet, people still hold onto these strange beliefs for the sake of having an ideal relationship. They are willing to keep their expectations aligned with an imaginary world rather than aligned with reality . Thus, it can be no surprise that the mythological has kept many single and silly looking like Chili from TLC.
Expectations can spell the difference between having a great relationship and having no relationship at all. The best way to have a relationship is to keep the expectations realistic. Does that mean lower expectations? Not exactly. However, if you are too busy mistaking “wants” for “needs”, then there shall be some problems. In short, you can only expect what you are expecting and cannot be shocked when you get what you are getting.
‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!