So, it has been almost 2 months since I have been a married man. And so far, it isn’t as bad as people make it seem. Then again, we haven’t been “through the storm” that many other couples go through. Hopefully, we can avoid all of that madness. Still, our relationship hasn’t been painful.
Then again, we did take a lot of guess work out of the relationship before we got married. One of the things that has helped us is that we “knew each other” before we got involved. This took out a lot of the guess work. Another thing is that we are a more “relaxed couple”. We don’t argue as much as other couples; if we disagree, we just disagree and eventually work it out. Thus, having knowledge and level heads have kept a lot of issues at bay.
Yet, there is another thing that we did that went against “age old wisdom”: we lived together prior to marriage. Even though people believe that living together usually causes marriages to not work, studies have shown that it doesn’t always have an effect. Yet, it doesn’t stop people from feeling a certain way about it. Then again, it isn’t like I cared. In fact, I think it helped us adjust to each other so our cohabitation wouldn’t be such a struggle.
All of this brings me to the things I learned, and confirmed, about my marriage experience thus far:
1.) Pick and choose your battles (meaning: avoid all arguments as much as possible): have you ever heard of the phrase “smile and nod”? Well, if you are getting married, then you will be doing a lot of this. Or a little. It all depends.
And trust me: you aren’t giving up any authority or manhood. You are making sure you keep yourself from missing out on watching football all day Saturday and Sunday during the fall season because she kicked your ass out for something trivial. Peace of mind always saves one’s behind.
2.) Maybe living together before isn’t so bad: What happens is that you will figure out how you both can make it together. Or, you can figure out how much you won’t work in the same space. Either or, it is best to try and figure that out before you spend thousands on a wedding with pretty decorations and your family crying over a situation that won’t even last. I am just putting that out there.
3.) Know your role and play your position: a wise man once told me that “you start right, you end right”. I learned to make sure to do things how it should be done from the beginning. From there, all I have to do is go back to the game plan and work the magic. Some parts of the marriage just HAVE to be routine.
4.) Enjoy each other as much as possible: Her birthday was recently (July 26th, to be exact). I planned out the entire day. I laid it out so she could go on a carriage ride, go to dinner, and see a movie. It all worked out. Yet, it could have went to shambles because the first restaurant when through some last minute changes that threw a monkey wrench in my entire plan. Luckily, I worked swiftly to rectify the situation (i.e. I took her to a familiar eating spot). Moral of the story: work to make sure you all have a great time together.
5.) Take it one day at a time: Don’t rush things. Don’t make things harder than they need to be. I’m not saying don’t plan for the future. I am saying to breathe, take a step back, and live in the moment. Go to bed, wake up in the morning, and go from where you are. Don’t proceed with past pain. Only grow with your greatest gains.
‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!