Have you ever been in a situation in which you are having a great time, yet you know it is not meant to last? It is probably one of those moments where you want to enjoy the situation for as long as possible. You even grow comfortable in it. Still, you know that the shelf life is limited and the time to move on is quickly approaching. In time, you come to terms with your relationship being a “forever temporary” state of affairs.
In this next scenario, a forever temporary state of affairs is exactly what is given.
So, I’m a twenty-something years old female dating someone that is over 60. We have been together for 2 years. One of the main issues is that I want kids and he does not. It seems as if he is in grandfather mode. I want to end the relationship but I can’t bring myself to do it.
I just think I like what he has to offer. It’s not even about the money or anything material. I like him for him but I know he is not for me. I think I’m comfortable and like the stability.
Here is the bigger issue: we are both in relationships. I am getting a divorce very soon. However, he “says” he plans on leaving his wife. Yet, I doubt that he will. I think he is way too far into himself to make a big step like that.
What do you think I should do? Do you think I am being selfish about it?
No, you are not being selfish about not wanting to overextend your stay at this “Holiday Inn” style relationship. And personally, I think you should move on.
For one, you are “too young” for him. I know that you may be “mature” for your age or whatever it is that you feel. However, he is over the age of 60. In this society, our needs, wants, and desires are totally different when you compare those ages. In truth, this relationship can’t truly work because you are in “mommy mode” while he is in “grandfather mode”.
From a lifestyle standpoint, you are not fairly matched. He doesn’t want what you want because he has had it and gotten past it.
Then, there is the “other relationships” that you both have. It can be said that, over the last couple of decades, divorces has been on the upswing for people over 50 . In fact, it has practically doubled since the 90’s (percentage wise). However, like most other divorces, they are more likely to be initiated by women than men . Therefore, the chances of him leaving his wife are not that impressive.
I do respect the fact that you found someone that you find yourself comfortable with. Still, it is becoming a moot point to continue a relationship that isn’t built for anything much more than a productive love affair. You aren’t going to get what you truly desire out of the situation. You may get some great times. But are you going to get the lasting relationship that involves kids and another marriage/commitment.
If I had a magic eight ball, the answer would say “the odds are against you” or something close to it.
End all of this off, it is good that you want to move on. In fact, I believe that you should move on faster than you can say “somewhere in America, Miley Cyrus is still twerking”. You won’t have a new marriage, kids, or anything totally substantial with him. What you all have is a love affair. If you are happy with that, then ride it out. However, wanting more is leaving you with receiving less.
‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!