Self-esteem will always be a cause for concern. When someone should have it, they don’t. In contrast, when the possibility of it going asunder is strong, it stays grounded. It all depends on the type of person you are. Also, it depends on the external affirmation you seek. Thus, self-esteem differs from person to person for different reasons.

Which goes along with my next question:

My question is why it seems as if the women with high self-esteem are usually the one that are not so easy on the eyes? Yet, the women are seemingly beautiful on the outside have the lowest self-esteem? Is it just me???

Thank you, kind sir!

To answer this question: No, it isn’t just you.

We have to understand one simple rule about self-esteem: it has to do with self-image, not how you actually look or appear to be.

Marinate on that for ten seconds. Now that it has soaked in, it is time for the honest truth: your self-esteem isn’t about “what you actually have”. It is about “what you think you have”.

If a woman feels that she isn’t pretty enough, then it has more to do with her positive (or negative) reinforcement through her upbringing/formative years. People don’t realize that those years from elementary through high school are the “building me” years [1]. Women are usually trying to find themselves or define themselves. So, this is the time that they seek friends, clique up, and try to identify with whatever (or whomever) [2]. So, look towards their positive/negative imagery being associated with their formative years.

And this is regardless to them ACTUALLY being “ugly” or “pretty”. Remember how they say “it’s what’s on the inside that counts”? Yes, it holds true.

Women (and men that tend to be sensitive and/or vain) look for that outside affirmation. This is where the failure starts. Concerns with body image, perfectionism, and criticism takes fold [3]. So, they knock themselves down some notches if they feel, or the rest of society feels, that they “aren’t up to snuff”. So, even when that person is “attractive”, they won’t feel that way [4]. Therefore, seeking outside affirmation can be a dangerous thing.

Remember how Lil Kim looked back in the day compared to now? I thought so.

So, to understand self-esteem issues is to understand one’s past. Look at how they grew up. Understand if they were told they were beautiful. See if they seek their confidence from others or themselves. Analyze the health levels of her relationships. ALL OF THAT will tell you everything you need to know, whether she looks like Gina Gershon or Gargamel.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!