This post was brought to you by AB’s new 45 Series Vol. 1 single “Stop Fakin’/Stevie’s Lament”. Please enjoy the music while you read.
When it comes to the dating scene, and life in general, a person will be either two things: a blessing or a lesson. You will either have someone that will always be worthwhile or you will have someone that gives you “one to grow on”. I say this to make sure we understand that everyone is in your life for a reason. Even if that “lesson” was learned a while ago, you may need a reminder. In the end, everyone serves a purpose that we need to eventually clarify for ourselves.
Yet, there are always “red flags” that could help you expedite the situation before it becomes an unnecessary hassle.
I was dating a woman for four months. On our first date, we met at the bar near her home. I wanted to get to know her well, but she came onto me promiscuously. She started touching me down on my crotch and I wasn’t expecting it. She was tipsy with alcohol. She started talking about her past while I told her to calm down. Then later we started kissing.
I ask because I wanted to build a foundation with her but her issues got in the way. I treated her like a princess because she was an older woman of five years. She was the one that wanted things to get serious from the beginning. At first, I was reluctant to that. Nevertheless, I decided to go along with it.
Wait: there’s more. She wanted me to buy her clothing. I thought she was joking, but I got it for her. I bought her a Christmas present. After that, I started to notice her behavior. After Christmas, she invited me to her house party and I saw her ex-partner. She tried to make me jealous in front of him. Still, I stayed calm and carried on. Later, she was moody and said to me “Are u taking me away on holiday or are we going away”? I replied with “We are going away “.
Meaning: she wanted me to pay for everything. But I can’t do everything for her.
I tell you all of this to ask: why do we ignore red flags and should I have considered those situations red flags?
Cool. I can help you because she was waving flags more than a flag twirler in a marching band.
There are two to three reasons, I believe, for ignoring red flags:
1.) Sometimes, it is an over sight.
2.) You, as a person, don’t want to jump to any conclusions.
3.) In the end, you are always trying to see the bigger picture. So, you may give them a chance.
Yet, if they are red flags then somehow the situation has went awry. Maybe that person has some issues you can help them overcome. Or, that person will have some habits that make them unfitting for a relationship. As a partner, you have to recognize what does/does not work. Otherwise, you will find yourself in a situation that makes no sense with the potential to drag you down.
The first things that you should have noticed about the woman you were dating were the grave issues she felt necessary to mention. If she needs to rattle them off to you, then you are more than likely welcome to stay away from her. Maybe that was her giving you an “out” so that nothing could come up later. Then again, she was more wasted than Gucci Mane on a song featuring Plies.
More than likely, you ignored these red flags because you were smitten by her. You probably saw someone worth the time and trouble. Hoping that she was “just a little drunk” and she “couldn’t handle her liquor”, you gave her a second chance. You wanted to see what she was eventually going to be like outside of an intoxicated haze. Eventually, you wanted to see her when she wasn’t acting like a young girl from a small town at her first college party.
After a while, all of her bigger issues came into play. Instead of expecting a partner, she expected a caretaker. Instead of respecting your chivalry, she started being a spoiled child. Instead of loving the way you were dedicated to her, she wanted to take advantage of you. Putting it bluntly, she mistook your kindness for weakness.
Here is what you can learn from this: some people are single for a reason. You cannot save them all in this game of relationships. People need to figure out that they either need professional help or need to stop doing the things they do. Meanwhile, figure out if they are worth it. If they aren’t, then always have your exit strategy ready.
The smartest thing you did was that you “stopped faking with yourself”. At least you figured out she was a mess.
‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!