2013_MTV_VMA_Logo

I don’t know why I do this to myself. Wait, I lied: I do it for you all. I do it for the “fans” that I imagine I have. I also do it for the sake of doing it. This pays no money. Most people don’t pay me any mind. But for those that actually pay attention, I feel obligated to “give my 2 cents”. Thus, I take two pennies, rub them together, and then make the fun happen.

MTV Video Music Awards, let’s get it on!

1.)    Miley Cyrus’s album is going to be called Bangerz? She sure is rocking her “Anti-Rural Revolution” really hard. Let us see where it takes her.

2.)    Paula Patton is something to see. And Robin Thicke is the man. I think they can be a future power couple. But that is my opinion.

3.)    Danity Kane is getting back together. With no D. Woods. In other news, you are still breathing.

4.)    And who is this kid in the leather outfit? And why do I care for his skill at lip syncing? Oh, it is Austin Mahone. I still don’t know who he is.

I don't think it was a great night for Drake.

I don’t think it was a great night for Drake.

5.)    But the cute little teenager after him was singing her soul out. Ariana Grande is the name. And having over 8 million Twitter followers is her game? What the hell?

6.)    Pharrell said “screw your life” and rode on the red carpet on his bike. I mean, a BMX bike. Yeah, man. Pharrell gives no fucks.

7.)    “Ain’t No Wifey” across your skull cap? What was her name? Becky G? Interesting.

8.)    Weird outfits or not, Lady Gaga is putting on a performance. I can give her that. Keep doing it up, you little weirdo.

9.)    One Direction made me realize that skinny jeans suck ass. Literally. And balls, too. Wait, I knew that decades ago. Carry on.

10.) Wait…did I see an Eminem commercial for something coming out around….November 5th? Oh, man.

11.) Katy Perry sure knows how to wear an outfit. And that is all I need to say about that.

12.) I love the use of the KAWS design for the MTV VMA’s. But most of you don’t even know who KAWS is. I hate y’all.

kaws-mtv-vma-moonman-2013

13.) Miley is getting her psychedelic teddy bears on. I didn’t know mollies came in gummy bear shapes. Oh, and she has twerking chicks on the stage. Damn, this broad is skinny. With NO ass.

I'm not joking. Jesus, she has a flat bottom.

I’m not joking. Jesus, she has a flat bottom.

14.) I swear, though: did she go by Tulane Court to get these thick, Black women? I mean, she didn’t find these thickies in LA or wherever she stay. You can tell these chicks eat bags of Takis and drink Arizonas.

15.) Wait….is Miley on stage with uhm….Robin Thicke? Oh, hell.

Never forget.

Never forget.

16.) So, what is 2 Chainz actually wearing? And is this some type of song mash up with everyone performing right after another?

17.) Iggy Azalea is tall. Lil Kim still ain’t as cute as she should be.

18.) Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won for best hip hop video? Independent hip hop wins.

Meanwhile, J Cole stays mad.

Meanwhile, J Cole stays mad.

19.) This Beats By Dre commercial with them on the couch? Oh man, oh man. Hilarious! They told the truth, though: you would think you would have some ass to twerk. Hi, Miley.

20.)  Kevin Hart is acting a damn fool on this stage. I mean, it was funny.

21.) So, Kanye does whatever he wants with his performances. Too bad his album sucks monkey balls in the middle of a sweltering jungle.

22.) Taylor Swift won an award and Kanye didn’t interrupt. I know it was for female video. But still, he would have went for Rihanna or somebody.

23.) Ryan Lewis and Macklemore won for Same Love? I am happy for that. It is probably their most meaningful song. And screw those that don’t like what I just said.

Meanwhile, it was Black History Month for A$AP Rakim.

Meanwhile, it was Black History Month for A$AP Rakim.

24.) Justin Timberlake performs surrounded by cool looking dancers and thick women of all colors. Well, mostly thick women. I see you, Justin. Take back the night! Cause you still run that bitch!

25.) So, why is this Justin performance just purely entertaining and incredible. Oh, and he ends it off with N’Sync? Game over.

26.) Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are winning tonight. Between them, JT, and Kevin Hart being an ass, I can do without the rest of the show.

27.) Who is this Jason Mahone kid, though?

28.) And has T-Boz been eating Waffle House biscuits and gravy? She has thickened up.

29.) Bruno Mars won for Best Male Video. That’s cool right there. No shade to be thrown.

30.) TLC movie coming out? I want to see it for the sake of seeing how the acting will work out.

31.) Justin wins the final award (Video of the Year) and Katy Perry wears her best Tekken vs. Street Fighter outfit. Nice!

All in all, this was just another awards show. Some great performances and some that were pretty “blah”. Some people had on nice outfits and some outfits looked like “questionable situations”. Was it exciting? Not really. What it did do was serve as fodder for my comical observations and snide remarks.

Look at the faces. They scream CLASSIC and MEME.

Look at the faces. They scream CLASSIC and MEME.

Mission accomplished.

‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!

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