It is time to keep it real: we learn about people in relationships “after the smoke clears”. Meaning: when all the madness has ensued, we FINALLY gain an understanding of how people function and what their true nuances are.
To shed light on my point, I plan on telling an interesting tome of love, lust, and endearment.
Learning Relationships Pt. 1
At one instance in my most recent dealings with relationships, I tried to date someone seriously. Our “relationship” started off hot and heavy. If it was not the date nights we had, then it would be the time we spent together. Our conversations were pretty interesting (saying the least). The sexual expression between us was cosmically orgasmic, which only added to the overall feelings of enchantment and amore.
Yet, all of this came to a crashing end. At first, I was totally confused. I didn’t understand how/why she would want to sever something that was growing organically. After a while, I finally started to see where her head was and what she was truly about.
Learning Relationships Pt. 2
After a while, I learned that I was a “temporary situation” to help her relieve some of her “permanent scars”.
Here was one of the bigger issues: she was “fresh” out of a previous relationship. This, beyond most other issues, would be the best explanation for the “crash”.
She spent more time enjoying every moment that I gave her. Yet, she shied away when things became too hot and heavy for her.
She expressed the fact that she may have been falling in love. Yet, she easily gave it up so I could break up with her in the most scorned fashion.
She loved every moment that we made love all night. Yet, she wanted to retract and use that “We are just friends” bit like I was some nimrod only capable of physical pleasures.
Nevertheless, it took for me to deal with her, invest in her, make love to her, and become engulfed in her to realize the type of person she was. For one, she was at a point where she was scared to take small risks. I guess her previous boyfriend had put her in a serious disposition. The other thing was that she was highly immature. She wanted to hold onto us being “friends”, but we did everything lovers did.
Topping it all off, she became mad when I cut off communication like I was the one that did her wrong. I apologized for my actions. I did it for the sake of giving her what she wanted so I could be done with her and the situation. I sacrificed something in order to be “the bigger person”. Whether or not she recognized her mistakes today is neither here nor there. I realized, at that moment, that she was completely all about “her” and not about “us”.
Learning Relationships Pt. 3
Most would have rather I actually learned about this situation earlier on. That is the thing with experience: you have to go THROUGH IT to actually learn the true lesson.
Many of our relationships and interactions are on “experiment” status. Most people are actually working through their theories of how things should be. Afterward, they began to test their hypotheses and see what happens. When their hypotheses are tested, they analyze the results. In the end, we have to draw a conclusion about our findings.
So, of course we learn the most when the relationship is over: people have to go through distinct methods to see where a situation is going.
In short, learning about someone almost has to happen at the end of a relationship. The main way this does not happen is when the relationship is ongoing. Still, learning people is a necessarily ardent process. Before one feels the need to invest themselves into someone else, he/she needs to understand who they are dealing with. Anyone should understand that someone that they are dating; just be ready to spend some effort with lessons learned in the end.
‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!