I don’t know if any of you are familiar with this jam. However, this right here? Yes, sir! Middle school love was in full effect with this one. Sweet serenades, flowers, and sugar straws represent my mentality on love back then. Heck, I still remember some of the women I loved back then. This song represents everything that was simpler about relationships for me.

Then again, it also represents some of the issues that never go away. One of those issues: jealousy.

The question:

I have a boyfriend. I know he is truthful. However, he has female friends and I don’t like it. I know he’s not doing anything. Yet, I am still jealous. How do I get over my jealousy?

The answer:

You get over it by eliminating all of your doubts and fears.

In my world, jealousy exists because the air of inadequacy has engulfed the atmosphere. When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing, leading to the demise of the relationship [1]. More than worrying about the “other person”, we are even more concerned about where we fall short. With that feeling of inadequacy enters anger and madness that strips one power over their situation [2]. So, it is easy to see that jealousy is debilitating.

However, jealousy is a universal emotion due to competition and defending one’s personal place in existence. It seems to be part of our psychological DNA to judge ourselves by feelings of being loved and being outshined by others within our vicinity [3]. Jealousy is a normal emotion, so don’t become confused. However, jealousy is also dangerous because it makes people lose focus on what is more important [4]. In short, jealousy is a regular emotion that misguides us consistently.

There is nothing new under the sun……

What should one do about it? It will sound simple, but it will be hard: that person (or if you are that person) needs to focus on successes and the process of future success.

I know I may sound like Tony Robbins or somebody, but bear with me.

Getting over jealousy is all about self-appreciation. If you know you are in a relationship, appreciate the fact that you have it. If there are some things to work on, then work on them. If there are some things you know you are having trouble with, focus on the daily process of achieving goals. Conclusively, you need to stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on either what you have or what you are trying to achieve.

There is one other thing: you, as a person, need to stop looking at others as your gauge for success. Your life is not theirs. The things that they may have may not counteract the things they don’t have. Everyone’s story is not the same. So, don’t beat yourself up when you shouldn’t have on boxing gloves anyway.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

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