Now THIS is a throwback jam for those that understand the immense joy of listening to Tevin Campbell (back in the day). Whether people questioned his sexuality (beyond me), that boy could sing. Plus, this song was the jam. Still is the jam, actually. With all the insecurities and full-frontal bravery being expressed, we know that dating is something of a trying situation.

Yet, there are some of us that question the “seriousness” of it all.

Question:

Why is it so hard to meet people and for them actually take things serious instead of going out once or twice and it never leads anywhere?

Answer:

This situation is happening because you have to meet people that want what you want. Also, many of us play into some dating myths that keep our situation from moving past “going out to see each other”.

First off, too many people like to “play it cool” on a date. Eventually, if you are not used to “playing it cool”, it may backfire when you can’t hold your feelings in any longer [1]. What happens is this: everything comes out and the “true you” will appear (in all of its splendor and unsubtle silliness). Rather than being upfront, open, and forthright, you start putting up a front to impress the date [2]. Sometimes, playing it cool doesn’t work because we eventually defrost.

Next on the list of serious dating mishaps is the belief of “law of averages”. All of your cute online dating sites make us believe that increasing your numbers (date wise) will increase your luck [3]. Their philosophy is this: you have more possibility/probability in meeting the one for you. However, having such a big dating pool takes away from the possible connection to be made and reduces the energy needed to establish a worthwhile connection [4]. Thus, unless you are playing the lotto, I would not put any trust in the “numbers game”.

Last, we constantly let people meet our “representative”. You know how it goes: you apply your personal Hitch manual and become this overly reserved person to impress your date. What happens? You become a robot. You are hollow, lack in compassion, or just plain defensive. Even worse, you could run the risk of becoming boring. I guess dating representation is just like the representation we have in government: invented to get nothing done.

In the end, you need to be true, be open, and be you. Also, you need to find someone that wants what YOU want. I won’t say don’t watch your step. One should always be cognizant of what they are doing. However, people need to understand how you really are. This way, they will know if they are wasting their time or not. With full intentions, and honest humanity, on display, you can figure out if that person should even get a second date (if they make it through the first one).

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

 

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