Before Tamar was telling silly people to “get yo life”, Toni Braxton released this song for the sake of chin checking all the unworthy ones. From Toni’s perspective, he wasn’t man enough. Toni had her time with him. She is WAY past that situation. Therefore, the other woman was wasting her time asking about him.

Toni, in all respects, had made closure with the situation. Many of us, especially women, need to find the resolve Toni exhibits in this song.

Question

I have been separated for 3 years from a 20 year relationship. My ex cheated on me but didn’t admit to it. He avoids me and can’t look at me or give me any kind of contact. When we broke up, he was angry at me. I know he cheated because the woman he is with told me. Yet, he won’t admit it. I want to move on, but I can’t. I want him to admit to it. Any help?

Answer

Ma’am….

What you desperately seek at this moment is closure. Yet, I feel that you are dragging your “closure issue” out far too long.

Hee-larious

Hee-larious

Do not get me wrong: I understand the purpose of closure. Many women look for closure to be able to satiate your feeling of being psychologically free with the insurance of security [1]. Women want to truly know that the situation is “over” and that they are all good. With this freedom and security, a woman can finally realize that this relationship had to end [2]. Thus, closure is an aspect for moving on.

However, how much more closure does a person need?

Man, most of us can't. Even 'til this day....

Man, most of us can’t. Even ’til this day….

Your problem has to do with the fact that he didn’t admit he did/was wrong. More than anything, you are looking for him to be “the bigger man”. You want him to stand on the podium, say “I cheated” like a teary eyed Jim Swaggart. You want him to admit to his transgressions like Col. Nathan R. Jessup, USMC admitted to having that soldier beaten to death. In vogue, you want the truth because you can handle the truth.

He better than whatever Gods may be within the universe of his mind. Sucka. Peace to Lil' B.

He better than whatever Gods may be within the universe of his mind. Sucka. Peace to Lil’ B.

But, you already know the truth. You are just hung up on wanting him to admit it to you. Somehow, your feelings are supposed to change and you become free because he tells you what you want to hear? Personally, I feel you are giving him too much power and too much credit. You are giving him puppet strings over your emotions. You know the truth, so move on.

I have a few suggestions to help stem the tide. First of all, I think you should accept any responsibility towards this situation no matter how big or small [3]. After you are done admitting where you went wrong, grieve if you need to. Once the grieving process is over, then you can take the next step: moving on with your life. I don’t care if you need to make a ritual of burning his name on paper or lighting a candle once a week to review your successes [4]. You need to realize that your life is for you to live for yourself.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

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