Just as Eminem spit lyrics about the madness of a crazy relationship with the ironically placed Rhianna on the chorus, I had the urge to dig up more research dealing with domestic abuse. Yes, I have more to go on about. Peep where I take it.

Question:

Why do people stay in abusive relationships but are always telling others they need to move on?

Now THAT is an interesting question. Also, it is practically two issues in one. Good news is that I have time to cover both.

There are a multitude of reasons that people stay in abusive relationships. I plan on covering quit a few of them:

1.) L-o-v-e: As crazy as it sounds, people stick around for the love aspect. Hope remains eternal for many people in abusive relationships [1]. The abuse tends to not be an everyday thing. Thus, a person may apologize and then become more “loving”. This only draws the other person deeper into the web of madness and irrationality. As much sense that it does NOT make, the “hope for change and improvement” reigns supreme (for a while).

2.) Dependency: At times, there is a dependency within the relationship. This is especially true when it comes to financial dependence [2]. From there, a person will feel that they have to deal with the situation because they “need” them. Do they actually need them? Well, that depends on how much they are willing to break that cycle of dependency. Still, it is a realistic reason for many to not break free.

3.) Deserving of Abuse: Some feel they deserve the abuse. They have low self-esteem. When a person has low self-esteem, they usually “take what they can get”. That is the problem with self-esteem issues: there is always the “beggars can’t be choosers” mentality that follows along with relationship. What happens? That person falls for someone that abuses them for the simple fact that they probably let them. Do they deserve better? Yes. Do they feel that way? Not initially. Then there are those that work to even “one up” their abusive mate as if it is a competition [3]. Odd, I know.

4.) Fear, Shame, and Loathing: Many times, it is the fear and shame that makes them loathe themselves enough to stick around [4]. There is the constant fear of things getting worse if they seek help. There is the shame of putting themselves in that position. There is the self-loathing. Abuse can make a person look at their own lives from an askew view.

5.) Religion: Religion has kept many people in abusive relationships. With Catholicism, for example, divorce is a sacred no-no [5]. So, people will put up with a lot of madness because the alternative (breaking up) is looked down upon. This is a classic example of religion unrealistically affecting how one lives. Yet, it happens all too often for the sake of “receiving God’s gifts”.

Now, it is quite easy to understand why these abused people tell others to stay out of certain situations. Think about it: why would they want someone to go through their madness? Why experience pain and insanity that you don’t have to deal with? They may feel that their situation is hopeless (or even hopeful). However, they still have enough sense to make sure others don’t go down their path.

Strange, isn’t it?

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!